Cloud of smug descends upon Austin TX, #sxsw

Texas state weather officials have warned people travelling through Austin TX to beware of a growing cloud of smug sweeping through the city.

The smug is reported to have been generated by the sheer number of instagrams, foursquare checkins and Facebook updates in such a small concentrated area.

Advertisements

AOL’s Digital Prophet – #Shingy threatens to rip open an irony wormhole in the fabric of time LIVE at this years upcoming SXSW.

Shingy Shingy Yah Shingy Yam Shingy Yay, known as #Shingy, has announced via a series of dead drop pagers that he is intending to disrupt this years SXSW in Austin TX. The ‘digital prophet’ has prophesied that his talk can and could ‘rip open an irony wormhole into the very fabric of time’.

Last year at SXSW, #Shingy announced he was the first man to legally preface his name with a hashtag, this year he’s aiming higher.

By hacking together a SEGA DREAMCAST with an Oculus Rift and Soda-Stream, #Shingy claims to have found a way to tear a hole in the fabric of the social sphere which may cause an Irony Event Horizon.

As a result #Shingy has warned “momentarily everything that is on will suddenly be off for about 2 seconds. Everything that is off will suddenly be on. Then the social continuum will right itself and we will all return back to the meat world from the virtual world”

Tech heads and Cybernauts have known to have become momentarily naked simply by being in the prophets presence.

Judging duties outsourced to old people’s home in Glasgow.

Bingo

Awards

Campaign Bitch exclusive. Judging of this years AdAOTY Awards have allegedly been judged by pensioners in Glasgow, Scotland.

An insider at the care home has spoken out explaining how the jury was assembled remotely as part of a cost saving exercise. Entrant agencies were numbered and fed into the bingo machine and called at random then slotted into various categories.

The creative work was turned into a slideshow which was shown to the elderly folk residing at the Flacid Valley Retirement Home in Glasgow.

Attendees of the Award Night were baffled as to why some top agencies and campaigns ( celebrated at international awards ) – didn’t even make finalists.

Some of the larger networks were stunned when they did not win with many red faced execs storming out after dinner.

Network Agency of the Year was strangely awarded to the St.John Fisher School for boys.

The Grand Prix Ad of the Year was awarded to an obscure ‘Work from home for cash’ leaflet which the elderly judges described as ‘just marvellous’.

AdAOTY refused to confirm or deny the rumours.

Facebook acquires Skynet for $16bn

Breaking news via Facebook’s Mark Zsuckerberg…

I’m excited to announce that we’ve agreed to acquire Skynet and that their entire robot team will be joining us at Facebook.

Our mission is to make the world more open and connected. We do this by buying services that help people share any type of content with any group of people they want. Skynet will help us do this by continuing to develop a service that people around the world love to use every day.

Skynet is a simple, fast and reliable mobile military service that is used by over 450 million people on every major mobile platform. More than 1 million people sign up for Skynet every day and it is on its way to connecting one billion soldiers. More and more people rely on Skynet to communicate with all of their armies every day.

Skynet will continue to operate independently within Facebook. The product roadmap will remain unchanged and the team is going to stay in the future. Over the next few years, we’re going to work hard to help Skynet grow and destroy the whole world. We also expect that Skynet will add to our efforts for complete world domination, our partnership to make basic military services affordable for everyone.

Skynet will complement our existing chat and weapon services to provide new tools for our community. Facebook Messenger is widely used for chatting with your Facebook friends, and Skynet for communicating with all of your soldiers and small armies of robot warriors. Since Skynet and Messenger serve such different and important uses, we will continue investing in both and making them each great products for everyone.

Skynet had every option in the world, so I’m thrilled that they chose to work with us. I’m looking forward to what Facebook and Skynet can do together, and to developing great new mobile military services that give people even more options for conflict.

The Skynet team have done some amazing work to connect almost half a billion robots. I can’t wait for them to join Facebook and help us destroy the rest of the world.

Mark.

Mark has also recently updated his profile picture to celebrate the acquisition.